Keith and the Cycle.

Describing Keith:

Varsity football.
Senior.
Tall.
Black.
Muscular. (AMAZING BODY OMG)
Medium-cute face.
Buzz cut.
Sexy deep voice.
Sensitive...maybe a little too much.
I think he likes to party? (he'd better)
Nice.
Maybe a little too concerned with everything.

My fetishes:

Muscular bodies. (particularly arms and abs)
Tattoos.
Piercings. (to an extent)
Black guys.

The issues? ONE, neither of us know very many of each others' friends - maybe like one or two. TWO, my parents have issues with me being with just guys...they only want "group" things.

I went out with Keith last year; it didn't go well because my previous relationship had sucked and I wasn't ready for another. We ended on good terms, but still. He got another girlfriend, and now that she dumped him over the summer, has come back to me. Do I really like him enough to have a relationship with him? See, I do want to say yes. I really do. But I don't know...I feel like I'm just not willing to make the effort to jump through all my parents' hoops to actually hang out with him, you know? It's so DIFFICULT to make things work, especially when we don't have many friends in common.

This could be my parents' fault, them making it all so hard.
This could be because we don't have a large number of (if any) friends in common.
This could also be my fault.

Maybe I have commitment issues. After all, no relationship has ever lasted past a month - and I've only really been into maybe one or two of them. The only guys I really fall for are the ones I never get...the ones I can never have anything but "things" with.

I recently noticed that it's a cycle, which works like this:

I meet a guy, he starts to like me.
I'm attracted to him, but I don't really "let" myself like him, fearing that he'll slip away.
We usually hook up, text a lot, and at least once or twice hang out.
I finally let myself start to like him.
Within a week, something unforeseeable happens and we either split apart immediately or slowly drift apart. It's never easy and always painful.

This happens in order every time I meet a potentially great guy, NO FAIL. Examples?

1. Josh.

He broke up with his last girlfriend, we grinded at the Spring Fling dance.
We started texting, flirting heavily.
I started to let myself like him, since he obviously liked me.
Hung out a few times, hooked up.
Went to church camp together, and when we got back hooked up again.
He went to California, and three days later I find out he has a girlfriend.
I really, really liked him...possibly loved him. It hurt like hell.

2. Sam.

We hooked up at a party.
Started texting a lot, flirting heavily.
Never got to hang out...we were both pretty busy all the time. But we always talked about it.
I decided I liked him, since he told me he liked me.
I went to California, and so did he, though in different parts.
Shortly after I got back, I asked him to hang out - he told me he was seeing someone.
A few days later, my best friend Sammi told me they were going out.

See the cycle? It's depressing. I don't want to think it's because of this cycle I've started to just straight-up NOT LIKE guys...I haven't REALLY liked anyone since Sam. Keith is...well, I don't know what Keith is. I want to like him, but I'm not sure if I actually do, you know?

Wow. Maybe I do have commitment issues.