ughhhh! (mixed feelings)

So, today I had my choir mini-retreat, 2-7.

It was fine, you know. We learned some choreography for our first and biggest performance of the year - our medley is from Legally Blonde (yay!). I'll admit it straight-out, the choreographers this year kinda suck at teaching. The choreography itself is pretty good, but they sorta murmur to each other a lot, which takes away from our learning time. Also, they have a way of doing like, the different hand or leg every time, so we never know which one is right. And they do all the moves facing away from us, so we can't see what their arms are doing - they say they can't "mirror," but I think that to be choreographers they need to learn, because otherwise none of us really have any idea what to do. OH, and they didn't really put us in correct spacing, meaning that only like the front row could see them, and even though I could usually get myself in a place where I could see them, there was NO way for me to see their feet. It got a little irritating, as you can imagine. Especially since they didn't even teach us the words or tune beforehand.

But in the end, I basically got the choreography. So I guess it'll be ok, once we're in the normal choir room which has a mirror. We were on stage today.

There was just one more thing today that I have some mixed feelings about. Remember how I auditioned for Ensemble yesterday? Well, the choir teacher came up to me today after the choir mini-retreat. On the optimistic side, she told me that out of all the 135 auditions, my vocals were the best by far. Remember, I'm only a sophomore - this audition was for all grades. She said that when the judges got to reviewing my audition, all they could say was "wow." So yes, that's an amazing compliment and I was very flattered. BUT. Ensemble is a show choir, meaning it focuses primarily on dancing ability. She also told me that although I'm not in any way a bad dancer, I simply fell in the middle. I didn't "pop" enough to win out against the older, more experienced dancers. Of course, as I think I've mentioned before (maybe not), I haven't danced since I was 8. Technically, I've only "really" been dancing for like 3 months...and I'm already fitting in just fine with the Advanced classes and falling in the middle with all these auditioners. Bear in mind, I am not bragging. Merely stating fact. So...I guess it's a win-lose situation. I'm irritated that obviously I'm not going to get into Ensemble, but then she said that I should definitely keep dancing, because she was amazed at how much I had improved since last year...so I'm both happy about the great compliments and discouraged because I didn't make it in. Blah.

Oh, and one more thing. I'm already taking the Contemporary class which I LOVE, but there's a Jazz class that's just the hour before it (they run consecutively) and my choir instructor told me that Jazz would be a good class to take for "show choir"-style dance. I asked my mom, and she agreed to let me take Jazz as long as I get my homework done, which is fine. Then my mom let my dad know, and he...well, he doesn't exactly agree. He's more of a bookworm sort of guy, you know? In fact, I can hear them talking about it now...can hear him saying how he doesn't want me to do it. I can't understand all the words because they're whispering, but I heard him say something about me pisses him off...probably that I don't like my AP European History class. He's a history guy; he doesn't understand. I am trying to like it, but so far, nothing. It's not like I'm gonna drop out, though. I'm not a quitter. It just...well, it hurts me that he can't find a way to agree with letting me do what I love. He doesn't understand that I really do having this growing passion for dance; it's one of those things that just highlights my life and makes it worthwhile. I love it, love how it makes me feel. So I hope my mom wins out in this, because I think it could really help me.

Ahhh, should I be happy or discouraged about today? I don't know...I guess I'm both.